So there you have it – I went to Haiti. Unfortunately, I didn’t end up writing there. But, I plan on writing at my next posting. And where is that? Good question. Right now, I’m in Toronto. I decided to go domestic for a year and see what normal life is like.
I spent the summer lying in parks and riding my bike – an amazing change from Port-au-Prince where walking is off limits for most NGOers. It’s been 3 weeks since I started my new job and I’m already bored. Not a good sign. The job itself is great (I work for a non-profit as a Program Manager – not an INGO so I don’t get to leave the country…)
The problem is me. I’m different. What I find interesting and engaging has changed. Or perhaps, I’ve always been this way but I am just more aware of it now. I can appreciate why it’s amazing to be able to work 7.5 hours a day instead of 10 or 12, meet friends for drinks, or grab some sushi, effortlessly stream endless TV shows and download movies, feel safe, feel free, visit family regularly, go shopping, buy stuff you don’t need.
What I can’t wrap my head around is how I’m supposed to live with not leaving the country more than once a year (and for only TWO WEEKS!), not meeting anyone new in months, not obsessing about my work (It’s engaging but not at the levels I’m used to….), not going on RnR, not feeling deprived of everything I love and then feeling insanely appreciative to experience it all again….
By the time I left Haiti I was DONE. I was tired, burnt-out, frustrated, confused – and not sure if I wanted to do this work anymore. By the end, I was dreaming of normal life and all it had to offer. Now that I have it. I’m not sure that I’m going to make it to Christmas. There are moments when I am seriously tempted to pack up my bags and jump on the next plane to anywhere.
I’m wondering if I’m in a rehab of sorts – suffering from withdrawal from my old life and need time to re-acclimatize to normal.
As if normal is a place….
11 months to go….Wish me luck.
Voyageuse Mondiale 